Saturday, September 16, 2006

The Middle Wife

I remember when I became a teen my mum attempted to tell me about the facts of life. Hmmnnn!! Was she embarrased!! She really didnt say much other than I shouldnt get naked with any boys or let them touch me 'here' (pointing to my lower region) and that was it!! Did I laugh out laugh when she had gone!! Of course I knew the all about the facts of life. My passion for Mills & Boons, Barbara Cartland, and Pacesetters novels as well as the Intergrated Science lessons given in school had done justice to what I needed to know. She need not have bothered!!!
Parents today are still embarrassed about telling their children where 'babies come from'. But that is a necessary evil that must be braved. Kids can be so innocent sometimes and ask really probing questions. Transmogriflaw writes in his blog about a performance his colleague gave about the female reproductive system in their torts class. I came accross this story about where babies come from and it made me laugh so much I was in stitches!! The little girls parents had a vivid imagination and did a very good job with their story about 'where babies come from'. Couldnt resist sharing it with you all.


I've been teaching now for about fifteen years. I have two kids myself, but the best birth story I know is the one I saw in my own second-grade classroom a few years back. When I was a kid, I loved show-and-tell. So I always have a few sessions with my students. It helps them get over shyness and usually, show-and-tell is pretty tame. Kids bring in pet turtles, model airplanes, pictures of fish they catch, stuff like that. And I never, ever place any boundaries or limitations on them. If they want to lug it to school and talk about it, they're welcome.
Well, one day this little girl, Erica, a very bright, very outgoing kid, takes her turn and waddles up to the front of the class with a pillow stuffed under her sweater. She holds up a snapshot of an infant. "This is Luke, my baby brother, and I'm going to tell you about his birthday.
First, Mom and Dad made him as a symbol of their love, and then Dad put a seed in my Mom's stomach, and Luke grew in there. He ate for nine months through an umbrella cord." She's standing there with her hands on the pillow, and I'm trying not to laugh and wishing I had my camcorder with me. The kids are watching her in amazement.
"Then, about two Saturdays ago, my Mom starts saying and going, 'Oh, oh, oh!'
Erica puts a hand behind her back and groans. "She walked around the house for, like an hour, 'Oh, oh, oh! Now the kid's doing this hysterical duck walk, holding her back and groaning. "My Dad called the middle wife. She delivers babies, but she doesn't have a sign on the car like the Domino's man." "They got my Mom to lie down in bed like this."
Then Erica lies down with her back against the wall. "And then, pop! My Mom had this bag of water she kept in there in case he got thirsty, and it just blew up and spilled all over the bed, like psshhheew!" This kid has her legs spread and with her little hands are miming water flowing away. It was too much!
"Then the middle wife starts saying 'push, push, and breathe, breathe.'" "They started counting, but never even got past ten." "Then, all of a sudden, out comes my brother. He was covered in yucky stuff, they all said was from Mom's play-center! , so there must be a lot of stuff inside there."
Then Erica stood up, took a big theatrical bow and returned to her seat. I'm sure I applauded the loudest. Ever since then, if it's show-and-tell day, I bring my camcorder, just in case another Erica comes along.You have two choices...laugh and close this page or pass this along to someone to spread the laughs.

No comments:

Post a Comment

Disclaimer: All comments and opinions put down in the comment section of this blog are the opinions and comments of the authors/comment writers alone. For the avoidance of doubt, the comments in the comment section below do not represent the opinion of Calabar Gal.