Wednesday, January 31, 2007

Long Distance Relationships




I'm just a wee bit curious about couples in long distance relationships keeping in touch with each other. With modern technology these days, its not difficult at all to keep in touch. Email, Phone calls, Webcam etc. What should be the frequency of contact between lovey dovwy couples? Alright, I'll be more specific on the mode of contact - Phone calls. First thing in the morning? Last thing at night? Four times a day? Every Hour? Every second? Ten times a day? Twenty times a day? More frequently than that? Does making such vast frequent calls amount to showing love? Where is the line drawn between hounding or wearing the other partner down with calls?

I ask cos I've got a friend who has been in a long distance relationship for about 5 years and her partner calls her practically every second!! OK, I may be exagerrating a bit but her mobile seems to be ringing all the time. 5am - he calls to say hi. They talk a little bit, all the lovey dovey mushy stuff and then he drops the call. Then 10minutes later, he calls again. They talk and then end the call. And again and again and again. And the calls continue all day until midnight or whenever one partner goes to bed. The next day, it starts all over again. Where exactly should the line be drawn between showing this kind of love and affection and allowing the other partner some breathing space? Where should the line drawn between hounding or wearing the other partner down with calls? Or is it just me being unromantic and a wee bit jealous?

39 comments:

  1. i don't think there should be any universal definition of what the frequency of calls and all should be, it is subject to each couples preference and convinience , twenty times a day might be okay for one couple while once a day might be perfect for another.

    the important thing is that they communicate often and effectively in such a way that the distance between them will be felt as minimal as possible.

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  2. LOL!!! I know what you mean...

    Phonecard rates are so low now! I just found out about a phonecard called Talk Home that gives you over a 1000 minutes (to landlines) to Lagos, and I have been using and using it and it has refused to finish...

    Anyway, back to your post, I have seen long distance relationships where they talk about 5-10 times a day and text and email endlessly... that's their only form of contact so they make the most of it.

    Although, I have seen relationships where they are in the same country and they talk, email and text all day, only to see each other in the evening... LOL! So it depends on the people in the relationship.

    It all depends on the individuals in the relationship and what they want... so 1ce a day, 1ce every other day, as long as they are fine with it.

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  3. i was once in one of those and we talked like four times a week which i thought was okay..am not one of those people that need constant calling..anyways that's me sha..It depends on the arrangement they have..if they r okay with every 5seconds its all good..but it could get tiring that way sha.

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  4. Hmmm! That isn't cutting it. I am the kind of person who needs space and i so much detest people calling me everyday. I really don't care who it is but it can be really suffocating. It depends on what rocks your boat anyway.

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  5. Tell me about it. Calling every minute like one doesnt have a life! Now I am being bitter. I am a living proof of calling every second doesnt secure a relationship.

    LOng distance relationship with any hopw of a ''future'' needs matured minds.

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  6. I was in a LDR and we fought about the infrequent calling. I wanted him to call more, he said he wasn't a phone or email person..then I read the book called...He's just not that into you. Enough said.

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  7. I may be old-fashioned but I don't think long distance relationships work. In my case, I would propose a split for the duration then if we still feel the spark when we meet again, then all is well and we can continue.

    Contact and seeing are very important -- especially the meeting of people in a relationship. Absence makes the heart grow fonder, some people say, but too much absence as in this case makes the heart forget.

    That's my theory.

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  8. I've never done long distance... and i really hope i never have to... but i guess it's one of those things that every couple figures out what works for them... some people need space and some other want to feel a connection with their 'boo' all the time.

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  9. Me, I don't do long distance o. But ehm, me and my Blogville husbands keep in touch quite often. Very often in fact.

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  10. the guy/lady was probably checking if anyone was *you know*
    if the receiver complains hmm then theres probably someone else around ;-)
    or maybe thats how they like it, me i dont like people disturbing me with fone

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  11. Maybe university is a bad example, but the standard rule there seemed to be long distance = cheating. Now calling constantly can be a way to guard against cheating I suppose, but then it can start raising trust issue palaver if one person is not feeling the 30 min schedule nonsense.

    As a general rule, I would argue in favor of a long distance relationship if you had something more than love holding u together, for example kids or a heavy debt burden. Other than that, break up and then if you happen to be in the same location again find out if it is meant to be.

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  12. you know, i made up my mind a long time ago that i wouldnt' enter a relationship where i had to say "i miss you" more than "i love you". yet its a rule i find myself almost breaking several times a year (why oh why am i so drawn to those women in yankee? lol)

    that said, i don't think there are any rules about the frequency of calls etc. it depends on what both people are comfortable with. personally though, it would drive me mad if my madam was always calling me to check up. i always want some space, but some people need to be inside each other's nostrils before they can breathe. maybe thats how they maintain their level of closeness, who knows?

    to each their own...

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  13. Long distance relationships don’t work, and I think they should be classified as some sort/form of harassment.

    5 years! Now that is pushing it..

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  14. it's whatever works for the two...

    hmmmm....
    my ex and i lived 4 hrs apart, so we'd see each other every other weekend.
    And in between, we were constantly on the phone...
    oh, and at work, we were on IM...
    it's amazing how much i HATE being on the phone... but with him, it wasn't even as issue.

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  15. BUahahahha @ TM....then I read the book called...He's just not that into you. Enough said. Babes am not laughing at u, am laughing with u. I got that from Sex in the City. Those are very wise words. Do you know how many people I've told that and its helped.

    Calabar girl: As long as no one is complaining. Coz if he decides to reduce the number of times he calls, she's bound to get mad.
    I don't think there's a specific no of times you should call. Everyone works with what best suits their situation.

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  16. Long distance relationships rarely work out long term. I find that honesty ceases to exist in those relationships, because everyone wants to enjoy the minutes they have with each other on the phone or in person, so you swallow alot to keep things light and happy; meanwhile you want to bash the bobo's head in.
    Besides if those people are in a sexual relationship, please believe they're getting theirs somehow, somewhere. They might feel guilty everytime, but it happens.

    PS: Sounds liek your friends have stalkerish tendencies

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  17. I've been in a long-distance relationship for over a year now and working out how often to talk is not easy. On the one hand you want to share everything that happens to you with your partner, but the reality is you can't spend your life on the phone to someone. Working out clearly with your partner what's right and ok for both fo you is essential, and as talking is the basis of all long-distance relationships, if you can't work it out, then you need to look for someone closer to home!

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  18. @kpakpando - I am a product of a LDR and I married him after dating long distance for about a full year of him being in London and me being in NYC! It can work if you set your mind to it!!

    Since i am the only one here who has done it successfully and is still with the person 7yrs later, heres my take on it...

    There are no tried and tested rules for LDR's. Why? If youre not a contact person/talk/text/email person to begin with, its not going to start because of the relationship. I called my now hubby constantly and racked up serious phone bills on both ends(as he was tyhe same way). Its not that we were stalkerish or had those tendencies (far from it) but if something good or bad happened in your day, its the person who is closest to you that you want to tell. That is not to say I didnt have friends o, as i have wayyyyyyy too many- they may hear it too! But having your sweetheart to share the anger/joys/disappointment/jist with is just in a league of its own!

    What I got from the LDR is everything there is to know about my hubby and vice versa! There are people in NYC that are here and dont know each other that well, as they dont talk as much...when they see its sex, when they talk, its about plans for the weekend or something else. But do they ever truly get to know each other, or find out about their partner's ?? Not really...

    Distance helped me learn a lot.

    For the single men and women out there, it might be worth trying. Why?
    1) You cant keep fishing in your own pond...
    2) The more options you have the better your chances are.
    3) You never know until you try...


    And trust me, I have LOADS of friends who have gotten married after LDR.

    Communication has been noted as what makes most relationships and marriages successful...the same can be said for the lack of it.

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  19. It's funny you have this up, I'm in a long distance relationship and we've gone from texting and calling many times a day to one random text or 3 or 4 lines on MSN and this is NOT normal. The relationship is not up to six months yet. Before I get carried away with my own issues, I guess my point is you should speak and contact as much as is reasonably possible for the both of you. Some people can speak 50 times a day, some people can speak only once and be fine. It depends on how you started the relationship and how much you both need. There is NO EXCUSE however for a day to go by without contact.You can text, email, IM e.t.c

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  20. Was in a few LDR, sucker for punishment, and they all didn't work. Some do well on them and some don't.

    Though now I am older and married, I do want my husband to take a contract overseas. Constant calling will drive me mad, once in the morning and last thing at night is enough. If anything crops up during the day, an email or text should suffice.

    Had a friend who was engaged during a LDR. 4 weeks to the wedding, he called it off. They did not know each other well enough as their whole relationship was long distance.

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  21. I've had two long-distance relationships, and I know they can go either way. It depends on how strong the commitment the couple have. My first relationship was barely six months old when I had to move away, so it wasn't a big deal when it ended. The communication was good at first, but then it dwindled until it just wasn't working anymore. Second time round, the LDR lasted for about a year. I was engaged to the guy at the time, and we kept in touch frequently. We spoke to each other unfailingly twice a day. And it worked for us until we were reunited!
    Also, it depends on the individuals involved, if they can't physically see each other, then by all means, they can use all other methods as often as they like.

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  22. I think calling more often make up for not seing them -i.e. the long distance thing. Cause trully no matter how much you love them - out of sight will be out of mind relatively quickly - so if you want to prevent it - then you need to be in their face all the time - LOL. cause lets face it - you still have your space becasue your partner is not around.

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  23. Man can we ever please women? the bobo calls every other minute... now we wonder if it isnt too much ... if dude doesnt call they say he must be dodgy but wait ooo they've been doing this for 5 years? Yikes!!

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  24. It depends on the couple. Some people are fine with a once a week phonecall while others love frequency. What's amazing to me is that after 5 years he is still so all over her. Very interesting.

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  25. Five years seems a bit long for an LDR to me- they should either be getting together or breaking it up...

    Actually on second thoughts I'll scratch that- to each their own

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  26. It all depends on the feelings of the couple.
    I once had a long distance relationship, when I didnt see things going the right way, I had to call it off.

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  27. Calabar Gal, wish one konsign you... you no dey for long distance relationship? Me think na jealousy dey worry you. Why you want put number to how many times dem suppose call each other?

    Anyway, jokes apart, I think LDR should be contextualized...blank statements like I don't like LDR etc is because we have not found ourselves in one plus couples get separated for different reasons (okay even would-be couples) but if it is one of these summer visits and bobo falls into ditch in love...pleaazzeee give me a break. Guess the statment..."distance makes the heart fonder" is old and no longer works...someone help me here!!!

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  28. Interesting! Am currently in a mad one now.And its madness.But i ask her and myself this question.Whats the worst that can happen if we cant cope anymore.Breakup{?}.We've all been in that as frequent as US bombs drop in Iraq.So wat the heck is their to fear?.Lets just stretch it as much as we can.Dont want to talk to you? Switch off my "casualtalk phone".It can work if u dont get scared about it not working!

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  29. hmmm, my 6th day on blogville and im loving it more and more.. to me LDR is a complete waste of time, the one wey dey under ur nose u never handle, u now want to travel how many miles? hiss.. good luck on the phone card buying.. BTW, Globaltel is very good for naija!
    jokes apart, i think it depends on trust.

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  30. LDR, I CAN RELATE 2 DAT SO CAN GO BANANA'S ALPHABLUE, UNI AFRICA N EUROTEL, I CAN TELL U D BEST RATES

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  31. If anybody called me that often, I would most likely go crazy,but then its easy for me to say, I have always had my husband close by.

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  32. These days, I don't like talking on the phone that much.
    Long distance relationships get annoying - too much electronics involved.

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  33. There is no hard and fast rules about this.I use to say that I can never have a long distance relationship,but I found myself in one where we call each other at practically any time.And you know what?we got married!!!!!We are seriously working out one of us moving but in the interim,we keep talking and it eases the distance!All should work out what works for them,period!!!

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  34. I'm in a LDR right now and loving it!!!We speak for really short periods on the weekdays and rake up hours taking at the weekends.As just friends we'd been apart years before we started dating and knowing we'd have to cope with that for a few more years,our LDR was weeellll thought out.
    Just have it with an absolutely committed Mr like mine and you'll be fine.lol.

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  35. I am in a long distance relationship and we call each other like 4 times a day more or less. In average I would say we talk for 1 1/2 or 2 hours each day. I think as long as you give the other person space to breath and it is a mutual thing, everything is ok.

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  36. I agree, long distance relationships can be stressful due to expensive long distance calls and different time periods. But long distance calls don't need to bug you down, you can always try video messages or letters.

    Nationwide Long Distance

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  37. Long distance relationships are easier than ever bc of high speed internet, VOIP, emails etc. It will only get better for all of us. http://best-t1-service-provider.com

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