Monday, April 23, 2007

MOM

Writing a post about my dad made me feel terribly guilty about my mum. Mother's day had gone past and I didnt even remember to spare a thought for her or put a few words down on paper. This I hope will make up for it.

I remember you mum - always smiling and cheerful. I remember growing taller than you gleefully and hoping to reach my daddy's height but somehow never achieving that goal. I remember sitting in the front seat of ur car as you drove us to school and on several occassions driving about your business in the town.

I remember the very first time you asked me to help you wash your car. In my mind I was like "Girls dont wash cars" but it came out OK and was a chore I grew to love. I remember attempting to drive your car when I was 10 and the car jerked forward when I turned the ignition and hit the garage wall. Your bumper was damaged but you took it in good faith.

I remember you being such a wonderful cook that my dad and his friends would shout it from the roof tops. I remember you cooking a new soup everyday cos Daddy only eats fresh soup and me having to prepare the condiments everyday after my SSCE when everyone including the househelps had all gone off to school and work and I was the only one at home left to do the housework. I relish that time cos I learnt a lot of what I know now during that time.

I remember the very first time you made soup on a sunday for sunday lunch instead of the usual Jollof Rice & Chicken dish or Yam Pottage or White Soup and Pounded Yam and me being horrified that visitors would come and see us eating Eba and Soup on a sunday. (Yes - I thought eba and soup was meant strictly for weekdays only) You told Dad and you both laughed at me and he said "If the visitor didnt like it, then he could leave as this was his own house and he'd eat whatever pleases him on a sunday"

I remember how homely you were and how obedient you were too towards daddy. I remember the lovely dishes you used to make every festive period - Easter, Christmas, New Year etc. They were plentiful but extremely delicious too.

I remember you were quite industrious too. I remember we never used to lack plantain at home cos you had planted them all over the compound and they reproduced extremely well too and at a point we must have had at least 50 plantain stalks growing in our compound. I remember you taking care of the palm fruits planted at our country home too and we never lacked palm oil at home too. Due to this industriousness, I remember dodo and plaintain chips was never lacking at home and always handy whenever we kids needed a snack at home.

I remember you being ever ready to try out a new project or experiment. I remember you rearing all sorts of domestic animals - ducks, chickens, goats, rabbits, dogs and cats. Even non domestic animals like hawks, parrots and monkeys - you tried your hand at rearing them and keeping them about the house too.


I rememeber you were the one we always ran too if we need more pocket money and were too scared to ask Dad for some and you gave gladly. I remember you sheltered and protected us from the ilks of the world and society.

I remember calling you to come and check out the 'hot' mini skirt that MY SISTER tried to wear and sneak out of the house through the back gate cos she had 'hot legs'. She had succeeded in getting as far as the back gate but you got to her before she could sneak out and you pulled her back into the house to change her skirt and 'seized' the skirt. I'm sure she suspected I was the one who alerted you but I had snuck upstairs so she really couldnt tell who reported her.

I remember voluntarily tidying up ur room everyday for you. You were always very appreciative of my efforts but never seeming to make an effort to keep it in the tidy state I left it and this got me quite exasperated sometimes. Now I understand cos I'm in the same dilemma myself.

I remember you coming to visit me and my sisters in boarding house almost weekly with goodies for us and we always looked forward to your 'Under G' visits on non visiting days. Somehow, you made friends with the junior staff and they were always willing to come and call us for you and we would sit in your car with you in some quiet corner of the school away from the prying eyes of the house mistresses. According to you, the house was too quiet without us.

I remember somehow focusing my attention on Daddy during my growing years and you saying playfully that I am a bad daughter that hates her mommy and loves her daddy.

I remember you coming to university almost daily too to leave cooked food for me and looking back now I do appreciate it all so much.

I remember you standing up for us when Daddy disciplined us. We knew we could always run to you when we were out of favour with him.

I remember you collecting money given to us as presents from guests or relatives and you telling us you were going to put it in the bank for us or use it to cook for us. We never got it back no matter how much we pestered you but then, I guess indirectly we did get it back with the loads of money we got from you.

I remember ganging up with you against my daddy and his several admirers (female empowement) but then it didnt last long - I went back to my first love - Daddy.

I remember Daddy sending the driver to come and get me and my sis from the university one day that you were ill and admitted in hospital. You had just had a masectomy and you were still smiling from your hospital bed. I remember you coming home and having to go for chemotherapy thereafter.

I remember the time you had a reaction to the chemotherapy drugs and your arm and face swelled up terribly. I remember the pain and anguish you suffered and you hid it from us and we never realised how much you were sufferring cos the smiles and positivity were never far from your face and mien.

I remember your last xmas and new year spent with us. Even though you were terribly ill, you still rose and made delicious meals as usual for everyone in the entire house but in a much lesser quantity. I remember the gatemen at the government parastatal opposite our house who had gotten used to receiving huge portions of meals from you every festive period coming to and fro our own gate to enquire when theirs (xmas meal) would land.

I remember the shock of your death. I remember you saying that morning that you were waiting for the angels to come and get you or that angels were waiting to take you away. Being so naive at that time, I didnt understand what you meant. I never expected that you would die and leave us all alone. We always expected you to recover and live to old age with your husband and children. I remember refusing to even think about life without you and hoping you would recover but alas that wasnt to be. You were plucked in your prime. You were meant to be there to vet our boyfriends, see us get married and carry our children in your loving arms.

I love you mommy and wish death hadnt snatched you away so young. I wish I had told you many times over how much I loved you but its too late now. Its the 12th anniversary of your death and you would have been 53 this year. We have all grown through the years and maybe would have turned out even better with your guidance and wisdom which we were deprived of by the cold hands of death. Rest in Peace Mommy, Rest in Peace.

44 comments:

  1. Wow, that was a touching piece. May she rest in peace indeed. She left this world far too soon.

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  2. That is a sad story, its been twelve years. Realize this my dear, that joy comes after mourning. Don't think you would have turned out better if your mum was around, God does His things for a reason- He's the all-wise, all-knowing God, His ways are higher than ours. He's the one who raises us from childhood to maturity. Even though your mum isn't here anymore to be used by God in your life, be rest assured He's using someone/ some people else. He's worthy to be glorified. God Bless you Ms. Calabar.

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  3. Mums: The world wouldn't be complete without them.

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  4. BEAUTIFUL!!!

    You may think you did not show her how much you loved her enough, but she knew... I am so sure of that.

    Thank God for her life and the impact she made on yours... The Lord will continue to be your strength... AMEN!

    So MRS S is your sis... I kinda figured over the weekend when she mentioned her sis, a blogger, is trying to lose weight too :-)

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  5. This is touching. May her soul continue to rest in peace.

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  6. Oh my God! that brought tears to my eyes...may her soul continue to rest in peace. Amen

    stay blesses babe

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  7. ...yes indeed, it brought tears to my eyes as well. It does make you stop fretting about life's worries and makes you want to live each day to the fullest.

    From your post your mother was exemplary...

    That was beautiful.

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  8. This brought tears to my eyes. I also lost my mom 7 years ago to cancer and I miss her soooo much everyday! May your mums' soul rest in perfect peace. Amen.

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  9. Lovely post..sure your mum is smiling..i appreciate my own mom (who is still alive) better now

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  10. I was touched by this post cos my mum means the world to me.....may her sould rest in peace... I feel you on the cooking thingy... I confess that a Calabar woman can COOK!

    Now, back to the koko at hand.... So Mrs. Somebody is your sister? She certainly fooled me! Nicey!

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  11. This is so sweet and touching, i couldn't help sheding tears while reading it. it reminds me of the moments shared with my mama.
    I pray that may her soul rest in peace, and may God continue to keep and be with you and the rest of your family.

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  12. she died so young.may her soul rest in perfect peace.her children turned out ok...look at u!im sure she's very proud wherever she is.

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  13. wow, that was really moving. May ur mom's soul rest in perfect peace, in Jesus' Name. Amen.

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  14. My dear, Iknow the feeling cos I lost my mum exactly 13 years ago. The good Lord I must say has seen you through and your siblings. Remember it's not over until God says it's over. I bet you wherever your mother is, she would be proud of you. May her soul rest in peace

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  15. Touchy Story.. almost shed a tear. Lost my dad in '92 and i wrote something similar for him in my blog. More like a letter(i was assuming he could read it iin heaven). Only those who have lost dear ones can feel ur pain. Be strong, an oh..... nice blogsite

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  16. It's amazing that you remember so much about her. I lost my mom ten years ago to cancer and it feels like a lifetime away! I'm afraid I don't buy into the view that she's in heaven watching over me (atheist Nigerian here, though that may seem like an oxymoron) but that never stops me from hoping that I'll open the door one day and she'll be standing there laughing at what a sick joke she pulled on us. It's not going to happen, but hey, I can still dream!

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  17. May her soul rest in peace. A very moving tribute.

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  18. May her soul rest in peace,Amen . The Lord is your strength.

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  19. Thank You all. I guess I loved her dearly but just didnt know how to show it.

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  20. She lives on in your Memories. And you're lucky you've got good ones.
    Touching piece. I don't even know what else to say.

    Phew! Gotta call my Mom.

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  21. I must confess, you got my eyes leaking there...

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  22. You are such a sweetie.. Your mom knows how muc you love her...

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  23. Okay got to stop the tears. I'm sorry you lost her too but great memories. Loved this piece.

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  24. Great piece...and you can get consolation in the fact that she helped shape you into the woman you are now...May she rest in peace

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  25. So it was you that rat'ted on her after I had got her that hot mini skirt for our outting in calabar that day eh. God Dey sha.

    hmm ganging up with your Mum against your Dad abi, you wan spoil im runs abi and you no wan those calabar runs babes to follow chop eh. I bet it didn't stop anything.

    Its a pity she didn't live long enough to enjoy all her efforts. God bless her soul.

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  26. Ubong da!!!!You and who went for which outing????You are on your very own-o!
    Abeg re-write this your comment before CG begins to think I'm one of those your sushi chefs you write about.

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  27. that was beautiful. and touching. be well.

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  28. @Mrs Somebody fear not. I was only trying to pull CGs legs hmm so CG is your big sister eh. Ashiri ti tu.

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  29. This brought tears to my eyes!!! May she continue to rest in peace!!

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  30. @ Ubong Da & Mrs Somebody: LOL!!

    @Everyone Else: Thanks. I must admit I had some tears in my eyes too when I was writing the post.

    I must update soon.

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  31. Calabar Princess.. Its all be said by the family above. Remain blessed now and always........

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  32. Your mum knew how much you loved her, and what memories. Words cannot begin to describe the loss of a mother, but her legacy still lives on in you, she did do a good job in raising you the best way she could. May her sould continue to rest in peace, stay well and keep up with the weight loss regine. Gosh I admire your perseverance.

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  33. mums are the best arent they. r.i.p. mama calabar girl

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  34. May she rest in peace! Nice 1 girl!
    Did you find your running buddy?

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  35. This was really Movin' May her Soul Rest In Eternal Piece

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  36. awwwwww may she keep resting in peace!great tribute!

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  37. Imagine if u can be half the woman she was what an exceptional person you would be. Her blood flows in your veins...keep moving, be a woman who she would be proud of. Keep her legacy going...

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  38. Calabar Girl,

    Lovely blog!!! Losing a loved one is devastating, but reminiscing on the good times and living as the departed would have wanted is the greatest honor we can give.

    Take solace in the fact that your mom rests in peace.

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  39. Ah, I will leave a comment I have always taken from one of my favorite books as a kid. Remember "Time Changes Yesterday?" Well, the quote goes like this 'To live in the mind of those you love is not to be forgotten' I read your entry and I had tears in my eyes. I also lost a parent. My dad. To cancer. Two months and he was no more. Sometimes, when I think of him (and it's been years since he died), I feel this unrelenting wave of sadness that almost knocks me down. I hope it gets better for us.

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