Friday, March 27, 2015

What Not To Do On Election Day

Saturday 28th March 2015 is the day of reckoning in the Nigerian political stratosphere.

Head to the polling unit where you registered to vote.  The polling units open at 8am and accreditation starts from then until 1pm.  Voting starts at 1.30pm and closes at 5pm.

Our dear brothers and sisters - the enforcers of peace have laid out in black and white certain prohibited acts they consider to be offences which could earn an offender a stint in "Guantanamo".  I have this tendency to repeat myself - I do not know why but here are the offences according to the enforcers in blue and black:
  • Thou shalt cast thy vote once only - I repeat only once! not twice, not thrice - once!  A word is enough for the wise;
  • Thou shalt not announce false election result - if your opponent is leading, dont rush and call a conference declaring yourself the winner - you only have yourself to blame if the consequences of your action are not desirable;
  • Thou shalt not stop anyone from voting - repeate after me "I shall mind my own business, cast my vote and go home to wait for the result";
  • Thou shalt not reveal information on another person's ballot paper - if you have a PhD in Ameboism aka Tatafoism, Saturday is not the day to practice your skills.  Remember you only have yourself to blame if the consequences are not desirable;
  •  Thou shalt be in possession of your PVC only - remember your weapon of choice is your own PVC.  Make sure your name is on it.  Not Tom's pvc, not Harry's pvc and definitely not Dick or Ekaette's PVC.  Remember the words - consequences, action, desirable;
  • Thou shalt not behave in a disorderly manner at the Polling Unit - hmmnn, eeeehhhh you have been warned;
  • Thou shalt not canvass for votes at a polling unit - the english is clear abi?  E mean say e don too late to tell Ekaette to vote for you or your personal person.  Too late!! Leave Ekaette alone. 
  • Thou shalt not shout slogans associated with any party at the polling unit.  Haf you heard? No Up PDP!! No Change!! No forward ever, backward never for polling unit!! Hian!;
  • Thou shalt be armed with the agreed weapon of choice - your PVC only - leave every other toy under your bed at home or better still, when you get home after voting, carry them from under your bed and head to the nearest police station to surrender;
  • Thou shalt not loiter or catwalk unnecessarily at the polling unit - polling unit is not the place to scope that hot babe or bobo mbok find another venue;
  • Thou shalt not use siren at the polling unit - gbo bigz boys and galz una don hear?;
  • Thou shalt not snatch or destroy ballot boxes or card readers - mgbo polling unit is not basket court.  Ballot box is not basketball.  Absolutely no shooting, dribbling, bouncing or passing of ballot box if you are not a polling booth official;
  • Thou shalt not hold any public meetings during election hours on Election day - you hear?;
  • Thou shalt not carry a badge, symbol or poster of any party - no more famzing; and lastly
  • Thou shalt not inflict, threaten to inflict any injury or wound on any person at the polling unit - remember avoid trouble like the plague.  Infact, flee from it well well - 440 if possible.
We will all gather on Sunday God willing to rejoice with all the winners.

1 comment:

  1. all dese plenty rules? tgank God say i no get PVC

    A couple of hundred years ago, Benjamin Franklin shared with the world the secret of his success. Never leave that till tomorrow, he said, which you can do today. This is the man who discovered electricity. You think more people would listen to what he had to say. I don't know why we put things off, but if I had to guess, I'd have to say it has a lot to do with fear. Fear of failure, fear of rejection, sometimes the fear is just of making a decision, because what if you're wrong? What if you're making a mistake you can't undo? Read more EAT THAT FROG


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